AA haters


I’ve been pretty open and honest that I am an alcoholic and that Alcoholics Anonymous has been the avenue that I have used to achieve 8 years sober. I am sober by God’s grace, that is my belief. I have put a lot of effort, action, and change in my life for that to be a reality. I am in no way the poster child for AA. I have found something that works for me and it works quite well.

I have enjoyed reading blogs about AA, sobriety, alcoholism, addiction, recovery, and a few other topics. Some from people that are sober, some not, and some trying to figure out if they should be or not. I relate to some people a lot and some not so much. I have also found some that have, apparently, made it their life’s work to discredit Alcoholics Anonymous as a whole due to their bad experience, someone who they know who had a bad experience, or because they think they know what we AA is about. Those probably amuse me the most.

They say AA is a cult or that they brain wash people. To be honest, my brain needed some washing! They mention that we are a hoax and that we force people do to this or that. They state we have a less that 5% success rate (if that is the case than I am one lucky girl! HAHA!). They believe that we shove God down people’s throats and or our own religion on them. I could go on but all of this is such a load of crap that I will stop there.

“Prejudice is a great timesaver. You can form opinions without having to get the facts.” – Bertrand Russel

Funny thing about people these days and the internet….. they believe everything they read good or bad, true or false. If you believe everything you see on Facebook or on chain letter emails…. you are an idiot! Check out Snopes.com next time you forward some crap you believe to be true. When people have made up their mind about something, whether it is true or false, their minds are closed like Fort Knox. It’s like “don’t confuse me with the facts, I’ve already made up my mind.”

“Of alcoholics who came to AA and REALLY TRIED, 50% got sober at once and remained that way; 25% sobered up after some relapses, and among the remainder, those who stayed on with AA showed improvement.” Big Book page xx

This statement was written in 1955. Lots has changed in the world since then but I think the kicker in that quote is REALLY TRIED. I’ve seen a whole lot of people come in and out of AA over the last 9 years and I see a lot who don’t do anything but come to a few meetings. In my experience that approach with AA does not work. Truth is if AA can help one person not die from alcoholism or addiction then that is SUCCESS! In 2010, I went to the 75th International Convention of Alcoholics Anonymous in San Antonio, TX. I personally said the Serenity Prayer with 50,000 plus other alcoholics in the Astrodome, so i know it’s helped more than just me!

AA has taught me to be a woman of consideration. Meaning, when I hear or read something, instead of shutting myself off, I consider if it is truth for ME. This whole journey has helped me learn truth about myself. What are your truths? I have no clue! But I know what mine are!

What do I have to say to these AA haters? Get a damn life! I have one that works for me and it doesn’t include forcing others to believe what I believe. There are plenty of other avenues to go through to get sober. My hope is that all those that are trying to get sober find what works for them, AA or not! Living in the endless spiral of self-destruction, unhappiness, hatred for self and others, depression, anxiety, guilt, embarrassment, etc. that drug addiction and alcoholism bring in its wake…… Is NOT living! I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy or on those who hate AA with a passion!

Why can’t we all just get along? HAHA!

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I Hate This Disease!


“As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did—then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen—Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!…….He cannot picture life without alcohol. Some day he will be unable to imagine life either with alcohol or without it. Then he will know loneliness such as few do. He will be at the jumping-off place. He will wish for the end.” excerpt from Big Book pages 151,152

I found out last night that this disease took yet another of my friends! Damnit!  I hear people say that sometimes others have to die so that we can stay sober and I just don’t subscribe to that. I believe that we all have a chance to live. Nobody else needs to die for me to stay sober. You can believe whatever you want…… If that is your truth then great! It simply is not mine.

It breaks my heart that this man is gone from this earth and the pain I know his family is going through! He was there in my early sobriety and you just don’t forget those people that make such an impact in your life when you are going through such an overhaul in the way you live. He was hilarious!!! Had a great sense of humor and could make anyone smile!

What a reminder of the seriousness of this disease I have! That it can take life at any moment! That I am truly on a life and death errand. That all this work that I do for my own sobriety that I bitch about and the service work that I do really does have a purpose if it helps just one person. The thing is, I don’t get to choose who that person is so I just have to keep saying “yes” just in case. Isn’t that what the responsibility statement asks of us? “I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am responsible.”

My belief is that AA is not for people that need it because we’d have a 10% of the population as active members because that the estimated number of alcoholics there are (so I have heard…. I have never actually researched it myself). It’s not for people that want it either because I have been around scores of alcoholics that wanted to be sober and are not. The want what the program has to offer but wanting it alone is not sufficient to attain a spiritual experience. I believe AA is only successful for those who DO IT. I mean DO ALL OF IT! The steps, the meetings, sponsorship, service, the fellowship, inventory, prayer, meditation, sacrifice, love, tolerance, answer the phone, honesty, amends, etc. I fail! We all fail! But there is always a step and someone with experience with where we are at to help us get back on track and on the AA beam.

I pray everyday for the alcoholic who still suffers and sometimes the alcoholic who is suffering is sitting right next to me in my home group with a whole lot of days since their last drink.

The Living Christmas Tree


I didn’t really want to “belong” in AA as well as I did. It’s not like when I had that “AAAHHHH” moment, when the noise in my head was finally quiet the night I took my first drink did I think that 10 years later I’d end up knocking on AA’s door. But I had gotten to the point that the person I saw when I looked in the mirror, I didn’t know or recognize. There was no light in my eyes, just darkness and pain. The more I learned about this disease called alcoholism, the more I knew that I had it. Before I got sober, I used to joke that I was a drunk and that alcoholics go to meetings.

I sat in meetings knowing that I had alcoholism for 13 months. With every little monthly medallion I picked up including my year chip, I thought I was really doing something. I thought I was special. I’d listen to people share about their selfishness and I would think to myself, “thank God I am not that bad.” What happened was this….. I have had some reoccurring health issues for the majority of my adult life which has afforded me the awesome experience of 3 surgeries and a handful of hospitalizations. One of these surgeries and hospitalizations happened around this 13 month mark.

In my mind God had, one more time, ignored my requests and I was ate up with untreated alcoholism. In the matter of moments what I had learned about the mental obsession gripped me. I lied, manipulated and conned my mother into handing over pain meds that I knew that she had and I took them. I was completely unaware of what I was doing or the consequences of my actions at the moment that it happened. I was gripped by this obsession and until I was so stoned and nodding out while sitting in a church watching a Christmas pageant, I didn’t know I’d done anything wrong. Then my thoughts were ” What have I done? How did this happen?” It happened just like the Big Book warned that it would without a thought of any consequence!

So great!!!! I got to re-establish and not even get drunk and I am a drinker, a drunk, a sot! That’s even what I told my friend that picked me up the night I went to pick up my new desire chip and claim my new sobriety date. I was angry at first, I’m not gonna lie! But, the truth is this, what I had learned about the mental obsession prior to the first drink was mainly academic at that time. My last few years were just flat out spree drinking with not even a desire to slow down much less quit.

The anger subsided when I realized a few things…. 1) If I’d taken a drink after those pills I’m sure it would have been a much longer time before I would have returned to sobriety. 2) God’s grace saved me from a worse relapse but ensured me that I absolutely had experience with the obsession. 3) I’m extremely selfish and was delusional when I thought that I was better than the other people in AA. 4) Someday, what I thought to be such a humiliating experience  will help someone else. That was almost 8 years ago and I thank God for the grace He showed me in that experience and what I have learned about myself since.

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