Pain in Progress


Been a minute since I blogged! Been busy going through some life changes and some familiar problems I’ve had before. Nothing like change to bring about fear! Even when change is good, prayed about and not taken lightly…… It can still bring on the fear. In my case, it was time for a switch in the gear of my chosen career field. An overdue change really!

I don’t make decisions like that quickly! I pray for neon signs. After I get the neon sign, I ask for confirmation of the neon sign. Then I get counsel on the interpretation of the neon sign and then I pray some more, hesitate, worry, procrastinate, fear the out come, get some more counsel, continue to pray and meditate and eventually make the decision. Sounds nuts I’m sure! However, I did take the plunge! I love the new job!

In the process of all of this madness and stress, I have had a migraine for the last 7 weeks. It’s not like I’m paralyzed with pain everyday, but his sucker will not go away. This is not foreign to me I’ve had these before, I’ve just had a good string of wellness for the past year and a half. When they got bad about 4 years ago, I started the worst spiritual spiral of my sobriety! I was dry, defeated, spiritually disconnected, ate up with resentment, devoid of any faith, and I isolated myself away from the program. By the grace of God I made it back to spiritual fitness without a new sobriety date or blowing my brains out which crossed my mind a few times too.

The difference this time is I am in the NOW! I am present with God! I keep telling Him I know I have the faith that He can get me through this and I mean it! I didn’t have the faith last time, nor did I have fellowship of AA because I cut myself off from it!

“There is a direct linkage among self-examination, meditation, and prayer. Taken separately, these practices can bring much relief and benefit. But when they are logically related and interwoven, the result is an unshakable foundation for life. Now and then we may be granted a glimpse of that ultimate reality which is God’s kingdom. And we will be comforted and assured that our own destiny in that realm will be secure for so long as we try, however falteringly, to find and do the will of our own Creator.” 12 and 12 page 98

I practice self-examination, meditation and prayer daily. I also report my accountability of this to 3 other women in the program daily. May sound hokey or unnecessary but it has made a huge difference in my life and my sobriety. This is a WE deal, I have been told this from day one in AA. Difference is, today I understand what that means! I’m gonna come through this with the God, faith, fellowship and some sanity this time because I am taking the action necessary to do so.

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. carrythemessage
    Nov 23, 2013 @ 08:31:38

    “I don’t make decisions like that quickly! I pray for neon signs. After I get the neon sign, I ask for confirmation of the neon sign. Then I get counsel on the interpretation of the neon sign and then I pray some more, hesitate, worry, procrastinate, fear the out come, get some more counsel, continue to pray and meditate and eventually make the decision.”

    I laughed at this because I am the same. Or used to be. But I can caught in the loop-de-loop regarding the mental gymnastics.

    Glad you’re back. Sometimes we pull away a bit too long and the ugly thoughts come into our minds. When the Creator is not close it’s not because He moved away πŸ™‚ I am an introvert and sometimes pull away from the fellowship, as of late. But I went to a meeting on Thurs and it revitalized me. And so I am back to my regular meeting schedule (1-2 a week). That’s the thing -we need each other. Sometimes I go just to feel the presence of the Creator there.

    Thank you for sharing this πŸ™‚

    Paul

    Reply

    • trudgingdestiny
      Nov 23, 2013 @ 08:50:13

      I am glad I am back too! My prayer for a long time has been “God please just let me stay!” My last sponsor made me commit to 3 specific meetings a week and I make those unless I’m basically dying. If I can’t make them I call someone and let them know why. I have learned the art of accountability works for me. When I live commitment to commitment then those thoughts of “you don’t got to go today, why don’t you just stay home and paint your toenails, you don’t really need a meeting anyway……” Just don’t come. Thanks for the comment!

      Reply

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