Two Alternatives

Hump DAY! I love that Camel Commercial but even more so, I love the one with Dirk Nowitzki “Game Day!” I’m always grateful on Wednesdays for several reasons…1. Some meetings I attend 2. Only 2 more days left in the work week 3. Get to spend time with “my girls” 4. I get to be reminded how powerful God really is 5. It is in my face how small my bullshit problems really are! I really need this reminder because I can really build up the size of my “issues”! My mother calls this making mountains out of molehills and I am a master at that.

So I was rocking along at The Faith and at a whopping 42 days sober, them crazy people made me a house manager. They were nuts in the decision but at the time I was so puffed up with pride there was no way I was gonna turn it down. The Faith housed about 30 men and 15 men at capacity and there were 2 women house managers and 4 men house managers. Lucky me! I was somewhat made for the job in that I don’t take much bullshit from anyone. While drinking I took sport in picking fights with men, preferably twice my size. My mouth has a tendency to get me into LOTS of trouble! I digress…

There was a girl, we’ll call her Winter, that was planning to go out on her first pass for the weekend and she wasn’t too sure about it all. She had been in quite a bit of trouble with the courts and was doing bi-weekly visits with the judge and was not sure she was strong enough to go on pass. I gave her my number, told her we would come get her if she got shaky and of course, that she didn’t even have to go if she felt that it wasn’t a good idea. You know she went despite her better judgment! She didn’t return for curfew Sunday night and came back sometime Tuesday to get her stuff. I hugged her and told her she knew where to find us and that she could call at any time. That was the last I heard of Winter. We had been sober about the same amount of time.

Fast forward 8 months….. I finally was going to court for my “full house”. My lawyer and I were discussing some thangs before I went to meet the judge on what ended up to be a slap on the wrist. My original probation was just extended and never revoked. I received 2 years probation and they dropped all my drug charges! I was amazed! Winter’s name came up while my lawyer and I were talking. This look of pain and concern came over him. He asked if I had heard what happened with her. I told him of the last time I saw her when she left The Faith. He told me they had found her body two days ago stuffed in a duffel bag at the dump. They thought she had OD’d and she was 5 months pregnant. I cry even typing this. Sorrow and Gratitude!

The Big Book states on page 25……. We were in a position where life was becoming impossible, and if we had passed into the region from which there is no return through human aid, we had but two alternatives: One was to go on to the bitter end, blotting out the consciousness of our intolerable situation as best we could; and the other, to accept spiritual help.

I know when Winter left that day she did not believe that a duffel bag would be her bitter end. The only way I know how to honor her memory is to share her story. I will never forget the look in her eyes that Tuesday morning when she picked up her belongings and drove away! It haunts me to some extent. But in other ways it makes me SO very grateful I have continued to choose spiritual help!



2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. good2begone
    Sep 26, 2013 @ 22:07:17

    Your story about Winter reminds me of a guy I sponsored when I was 6 months sober. After diligently working in the Big Book with me for 2 weeks, he all of the sudden called and said I’m going back out to use and I won’t be talked out of it. I received a call from his Mom about a month later, he ODed and died in a holding cell in county jail. No one ever sees the bitter end coming….

    On a happier note, congrats in the probation and dropping of charges! I finished 5 years probation a couple of years ago. You can finish it and truly be free.


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