Prayed to Jail


I was not too big on God when I got sober but I was kinda out of options! I thought I had “neatly evaded or entirely ignored” the God idea fairly well. I did this because I felt that if I prayed He might just know my location to send all the hell, fire, and whatever else I had coming. It’s not that I didn’t believe in God, I knew he was there.  Wherever “there” is. I distinctly remember having a conversation with my mom the night I got out of Jail for the last time where she was telling me that I just needed to pray and trust God blah, blah, blah….. I told her, ” that God shit may work for you, but it obviously DON”T work for me!” It’s not that I blamed Him or anything, I was just certain that after all that I had done there was absolutely no way that He would have any room or desire for me.

Then I end up at AA….. I may not be very quick but I am too damn smart at times! I saw that G-O-D in red on the wall in the 12 steps and knew these people had tricked me into another religious churchy group of some-sort. Well that was not the case at all! They told me I could choose my own conception of God, I didn’t tell them this at the time but I knew from what I had learned as a child in church that there were these things called sins. On the scheme of things, this choosing your own conception of God had to be a very BAD one!!!! Well I was so very wrong about that and about a lot of other things.

The feeling was that my life was over, but the actual truth was that it was just about to begin. I didn’t have anymore “good” ideas when I got to AA. When they told me to start praying for God to keep me sober in the morning I did it anyway even though I never thought it would work. Before too long I had a whole 2 days sober then 3 days sober! I was amazed! I know that sounds crazy but to someone who’s every waking moment away from a drink was when am I gonna get it? what time am I gonna get it? where at? how much? when can I get off? how much longer? can I get off early? can I sneak a doobie at lunch?etc…. 3 days is a big damn deal!!!

My mom called me one Sunday morning when I was about 3 weeks sober and we were talking about thangs, yes I said “thangs”. She asked if she had told me about what happened to her the night that I was arrested with my “full house”.  She proceeded to tell me the story. She felt something was very wrong with me but had no idea what it was. (partly because I wouldn’t return any of her phone calls and the last time she saw me I was stoned/strung out/drunk at my Granny’s funeral) She had this overwhelming feeling that I was in trouble and she called my Auntie who, by the way, has one of those super telekinetic God connections that just baffles me! They get together that night, on their knees, and pray to their God that He remove the Devil from my life. Less than 6 hours later I was arrested and a week later I was sober.

At 3 weeks sober I still wasn’t too keen on God but I was sober. I wasn’t too sure about this Devil thing and really I didn’t care. However, I was very sure about a few things….. When she told me that story I got chills from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet. I knew from that moment that God was way bigger than me and that He had ALWAYS been there, no matter if I was aware of Him being there or not. I also knew that I was arrested that night as direct result of an answered prayer because 2 people loved me enough to ask. Thank God for their selfless request I am sober today! Thanks for praying me to Jail!

 

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